ON A LIGHTER NOTE

I hope you enjoy this one, I did!

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.

“Janie, do you have a story to share?'

''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.

''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this story?

"Don't $##$% with Mommy when she's been drinking."

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.

This is kinda funny, but I feel sorry for some of those kids, specially the way they bend over backwards when they fall.

Enjoy!

A COLD BASTARD.

Terrible but funny.

SOME REALLY SLICK MOVES!

Some are clever, some are wise.
These guys are all clever...

LITTLE MIKE!

This is soooo cute, turn up your sound, you're gonna enjoy this one!

TOPLESS BAR!

This is specially for the guys who love boobs!



So what were you thinking??

SOOOO CUTE!!

Cute! One of the best!I thought this was so sweet, and so innocent, I just had to share it with you all. Enjoy!
>
> The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher:-
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in
> my own second grade classroom a few years back.

> When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a
> few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and
> usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles,
> model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.
> And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they
> want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
>
> Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very
> outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class
> with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my
> baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'
>
> 'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their
love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in
> there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'
>
> She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and
> I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are
> watching her in amazement.
>
> Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts
> saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and
> groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'
> (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
> My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies,
> but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got
> my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her
> back against the wall.)
>
> 'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in
> there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all
> over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her
> little hands mimicking water flowing away. It was too much!)
>
> 'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
>
> They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then,
> all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff
> that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a
> lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife
> spanked him for crawling up in there.'
>
> Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned
> to her seat.
>
> I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when
> it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case
> another ' Middle wife' comes along.

HUGZZZZ!!

Totally unbelievable...and soooo cute!

JUNGLE JUICE!

Now this is sooo cute! This was filmed in South Africa some time ago, to be honest when I was still a little boy, (and that is long before lots of you were born) by a man with the name of Jamie Uys. I hope you have never seen it before, but if you have, please watch it again. Enjoy!

HOLD IT.

Great one also!

HEY JOE!!

I thought this was quite funny....

Don't laugh, sooner or later it happens to most....

HOLD THE CAKE.

Oh, you women are terrible!

GREAT FRIENDS!

With friends like these, who needs enemies?!

PRESCRIPTION NEEDED.

Poison the huband

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy!

I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law!

I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now. That’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription .

HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS ONE?

Damn!
I am sure she looks sexy to someone!! Or someone lied to her.

KIDS ARE THE BEST!

Kids Are Quick ____________________________________

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie...... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
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